Reflections On Showing Up

I recorded a podcast today.

This person invited me on after following my business instagram, and wanted to know more about my approach to and work with the body, emotions, and belief systems.

I have been terrified of this for weeks. 

I’ve been terrified because I've tried to record a podcast before. I’ve tried talking about what I do and sharing it with the world and it felt awful. The conversation was so unnatural. It felt that way because what I was doing in the world (massage) didn't feel like me.

Lauren Mancke of  Unsplash

Lauren Mancke of Unsplash

I didn't feeling like it fully lined up with who I am and what I wanted to do in the world and with people. It lacked purpose for me.

In the meantime, I co-hosted a collaborative week-long  intuitive movement instagram challenge, I hosted my first movement workshop, and my business has continued to grow and remain steady in times where there wasn't growth (including a couple of new online clients!). 

In the last 7 months I have continued to do deep work on myself. I have completely shifted the way that I work with people. I have received a lot of new training and I am no longer massaging. I use new bodywork modalities and holistic counseling, which explores belief systems at the root of pain, tension, and physical dis-ease. I have stepped in to who I have always wanted to be as a practitioner and most importantly as a human being. I have put myself out there.

All of my marketing, all of the relationship building, all of the business growth, and all of the healing that has occurred in my life has been because I decided to show up, in full, as my true self. 

The movement Instagram challenge, movement workshop, and business growth have all been successful because I showed up.
I literally just shared who I am, put myself out there, and said "this is me, do with it what you will" and continue to do so.

I do that because it's what feels good to me. When I woke up this morning, I decided that for the podcast I would just show up, as my self, and see where the conversation takes us. I did this because

I know that when I stay connected to who I am, it doesn't matter what happens.

It really doesn't, because I am literally just sharing me. I have discovered so much substance in my self, so much to love for what i've found and so much to offer and share that I hold less value in how others view it. It feels expansive- a word and feeling I have been wanting and needing to embody for a long time.

Sure, there are times where expectation from myself and others sneak in. That is really just a disguise, in my opinion, for me fearing my own potential. I chose to show up anyway.

So, I showed up for the podcast. I met myself there. I listened to my body, held space for the nerves and the fear. Those feelings are so old and familiar and yet to an extent don't really hold much weight for me anymore. And I fucking killed it.

Belle Hunt of  Unsplash

Belle Hunt of Unsplash

And all I did was just share who I am.

I shared what lights me up, i shared the work that iIdo with people, I shared the work that I do on myself, and I shared many elements that make up who I am and what I believe. It felt so goddamn good.

I often wonder what the world would be like if we all could just be who we wanted to be. If we all could do what we wanted to do. If we all found solid gold within our being.

What if our collective freedom was found in just sharing who we truly are within and underneath our struggle, pain, patterns, reactions, and walls.

I have found freedom there and I am hell-bent on helping others find freedom there as well.

Who knows why the hell we are all here on earth but I wonder if, in the end, it truly matters. I am still deciding. If I live my life well lived, feeling free and expansive and purposeful then that feels like enough to me right now.

Are you living your best life, as they say? Let me know in the comments below. Do you feel you’re living from a place of a deep connection to yourself?
If yes, what is that like for you? If not, what is stopping you?